Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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