Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
