Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
So many bounce houses so little time
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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