Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
