so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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