Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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