his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize