that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize