Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
