it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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