so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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