I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
