I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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