anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
