Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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