Christians are straight up FREAKS
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
