mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
