I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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