C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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