Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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