I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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