My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
