I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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