I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
