I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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