I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
