Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
