Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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