my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I smell stomach acid.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
