He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
