yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
