It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
3pm strippers are depressing
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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