areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
