i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
