I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
