dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize