if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
