she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
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