her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
