Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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