I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
