I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
