i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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