Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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