I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
