I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
