I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
