dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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