Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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