I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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