My sheets look like a crime scene.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
