Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I have demons in me.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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