She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
