just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
