Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
that is very illegal...i love you.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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