My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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