My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
