Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize