You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
