Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize