break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
