I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
i think im in europe. pls send help
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