Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
