I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
