So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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