You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
