In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
